Paintball (2009 Movie) Review

It must be hard for the filmmakers to make a paintball film suck, but they did it, and in a surprisingly boring way. The story sounds promising enough, several teens sign up to a paintball club and then they find out someone is using real bullets. That's an interesting premise, so the filmmakers had to sit down and think of ways to make this as horrible as possible. This is probably how the conversation went down: "OK, first, we need undeveloped characters, that's a must. But, let's make the characters as cliched as possible, Oh, and with accents too! Oh, and let's not forget the black guy, just remember, the black guy MUST DIE, it's the ultimate cliche, besides having a fat guy. Hey, let's throw in a fat guy in the mix, too!". Well, that's what it feels like, cause the characters are both underdeveloped AND cliched! How is that even possible? Well, I guess the two words that describe each character are the same two words you would describe every other character in a film. The absolute worst thing about a movie is the editing. Let me map it down for you. Pretend you and a friend are walking up a hill, and one of you is filming the other person. Then, you post the video on a video sharing website. What happens? People say "This is so LONG" and "That's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back". That video is equal to this movie. Whenever someone has to walk somewhere, they show nothing but walking, maybe a different camera angle once in a while, but otherwise, it's very little editing. It drags the movie on forever, and the dialogue SUCKS. It's not as bad as The Hurt Locker or anything (Sorry for that brief insult to an Oscar winning film, I'll be quiet now), but it still sucks. So, for anyone still interested in the movie, here are the good things of this movie. Well, the opening is cool. It shows a commercial for the paintball place, which I found interesting. Another good thing was the special effects. They ween't the best, but they were decent to look at, even if most of it WAS gore. Thirdly, like I said, the plot was nice, even though it wasn't executed well. Finally, when the characters started going insane, it was interesting to see what people would do to stay alive. But, before I say anything else, one of the many horrible things about this movie was the ending. It was unsatisfying, unclear, and the character that survives is boring and unlikable. So overall, it's a horrible film, with little redeeming factors or memorable scenes. Not recommended.

1.5/5